Yeeeessss, you need a signature on that invoice?
By all means, come into my office and I’ll do it for you.
Say, do you remember that time you hobbled in here with a cast on your leg? Well, let me tell you a little secret …
This is what just went through my head as Water Boy made his delivery, because just as he appeared at my door I opened this post from Alison Tyler.
Insomnia-induced exhaustion has brought me home for the day with a floaty head, and so I used my time to make a Tumblr about the last year living here in this hole. Some good stuff, some stupid stuff, all memorialized here:
http://thepervyhobbit.wordpress.com
Pretty pictures to come (and one not-so-pretty picture of me in a clay face mask)!
I move in mere days. Well, kind of. I’m paid up at two places so I get to move the big stuff and then run back and forth for the little stuff. But that’s ok! Because it’s almost over, and I get my life back! I’ve been succeeding in getting some better sleep, and it’s been so long since I have been able to do that I had completely forgotten what the world looks like when one is well rested. Goals are less unattainable. Ideas in my head work. I stop seeing miniature elephants riding tricycles across my desk.
In the weeks leading up to the move, I’ve spent a lot of time putting the digital stuff together and in doing so getting insight into my processes. While I’m learning to appreciate the physical space more (especially when I realized how little I had in my current digs) I’ve also discovered that I’m a complete devotee when it comes to certain digital tools, so until I have things sorted out I leave you with some of the tools I have been using to get things back on track.
Computer
Scrivener — I don’t think I would have been able to get anything done with winter without Scrivener. The novella I was working on in the winter began in the middle, with one single scene and I just built the rest of the story around it. It’s a mess, but it’s done, and using Scrivener really helped that happen. I really have no use for some of the bells and whistles in Scrivener, but as a word processor it’s top notch. The WP turns into a corkboard with the click of a button, letting the user see an overview of all chapters and writing bits, and you can have your word count target right there in the text file. Watching the word count going from red to yellow and finally to green is a great motivator. Scrivener isn’t free, but anyone who can’t seem to get the hang of linear writing should download the trial and see how it works for them.
Clean Desktop – Apple kicked my ass. I don’t want a Mac, I’m perfectly happy with my cheap laptop, but my brain can’t handle anything that doesn’t look like my iPad or iPhone. So I’ve given my desktop a make-over an mimicked this by using huge honking icons. The bigger, the better! However, I’m also a digital hoarder, so I have a catch-all folder on my desktop. It serves no purpose to save a picture of a pug dressed like a flying monkey, or Hobo Joe, but it makes me feel better to have it. I just don’t need to see it.
Empty Folders & Flash Drives – I don’t save anything I want to keep on hard drives or flash drives anymore. Noting in My Documents. I pay for online storage. It’s well worth it to know that if my computer bursts into flames Hobo Joe will be the only casualty. Why do I reject these physical means of storage? Two words: lost manuscript. Yes, I wrote a fucking book and saved it somewhere on something and I have no idea where it is. It’s possible it was on my old computer before it died, or was on a flash drive I accidentally bent in half, but I just don’t know.
A VGA cord – Like most people I have a laptop. I needed a second monitor, but I wasn’t going to pay for one. So I got a VGA cord and hooked that fucker up to the TV and laptop. Now I have a 32″ second monitor, which is pretty awesome when I need an image or something right in front of me while I frig around on the computer.
Web/Cloud
Springpad – It’s a more functional version of Pinterest. With Springpad, you can add lists, links, notes, music, and so on but keeps the corkboard format of Pinterest. I started using Springpad when I had trouble syncing with Evernote and lost a lot of good stuff. Also it syncs to iPhone and iPad, so I can have my stuff wherever I go.
Skydrive – Some people swear by Dropbox, but I prefer Skydrive. For one, extra storage is cheaper than at Dropbox. A lot of people cite that security is better at Dropbox than Skydrive, but I don’t need a lot of security. No one is trying to steal my porny manuscripts, so I’m content with my wads of space for an extra $10-25/year.
Dropbox – Ok, so I do use Dropbox when I have to. I use a few apps that sync to Dropbox and no where else. iWriter, for example, is a text-based word processor for the iPhone and iPad. Also, I have Scrivener synced to Dropbox.
Evernote – I don’t use Evernote for much of anything anymore except for writing prompts. Some folks swear by Evernote, but I never got into it too heavily.
Instapaper – I initially planned to use this as a way to read blogs, but I basically use it for bookmarking now. At work, on my phone or tablet, I will just add things to Instapaper and go back to them. In short, I use this as a porn dump from my phone.
Simplenote – This is where I put calls for submission I stumble across. Only calls for submission!
(Of course, a lot of the cloud services I use also have mobile apps with varying degrees of usefulness.)
Mobile
Turboscan – As a lot of writers are, I am occasionally struck with the fever to write by hand. This is where Turboscan comes in. You open the app and take a picture of your document, turn it into a PDF, and discard the note. It lets me go old school without having to put up with the clutter.
Pages (or a decent mobile word processor) – I don’t think I could ever finish a book on my tablet, but I’ve written a few shorts (Two Man Job from Sudden Sex was written on my blackberry). I can then send my work to Skydrive, Dropbox or another cloud service.
Index Card – All this app does is create a virtual cork board. I use this mostly for time management.
So that’s my digital life. Much more effective than a file cabinet, and mostly impervious to fire and flood … and definitely makes this move much easier, since all of this can be transported in a good laptop bag.
I’m sure the following can be attributed to my Loose Id editor, Venessa Giunta (who, if you haven’t heard, has recently opened up a new market for short stories – Fictionvale)
I was fiddling around tonight trying to come up with a short story when all of a sudden my brain was invaded by Georgie, Tony, and Etienne from Out of the Blue. I was going for a short, but once I got this far it occurred to me that by the end of the night Georgie would probably be in a snit.
So, for your reading pleasure, a mini-fic that takes place after Out of the Blue ended:
“You know, you think you’re a funny guy but you’re really not.”
Georgie had tried so hard to sound authoritative when she spoke, even going so far as to mimic the way her mother had sounded that time Georgie was ten and had seated herself at the breakfast table wearing her grandmother’s gnarliest beige bra on her head, but there was no way she was pulling it off.
As annoyed as she was by Tony, she really couldn’t talk shit about someone else’s costume while dressed like a giant sock monkey.
“And furthermore,” she went on, adjusting her sock monkey hat, “I’m pretty sure that’s plagiarism. Or invasion of privacy. Or … something.”
Tony grinned and swiped a yellow curl from his face. She had to give him credit, she had expected him to emerge from the bedroom dressed like a condom or a blow-up doll. Instead he’d gone full out geek and turned himself into a Facebook page. Georgie’s Facebook page. He’d gotten a blonde wig and a pair of sunglasses like the ones she wore in her profile picture, and she was pretty sure he was wearing her lipstick.
He tapped the foam board. “These are real status updates. See? Your horoscope. Your Vampire Farm score. Your thoughts on that burrito you had at lunch. Your outrage over the length of time you have to wait at the crosswalk by the coffee shop.”
“Shut up, Tony.” She tilted her head and listened for the sounds of Etienne, locked away in the second bedroom. “I’ll bet he’s going to come out dressed like a potato again this year. Last year he was a potato. The year before that he was a potato.”
“Potatoes are his thing.”
“More like a complex. How many times have we heard about how he had to dress like a potato for a summer job on the island? Every time with the potatoes.”
“Etienne is not a creative guy, not like me.”
“You’re deranged.”
He pointed to his crotch. “You’re just bitter because you forgot to feed your vampires and they all turned to dust.”
They both turned their attention down the hall as the door clicked open and Etienne stepped out.
“You have got to be freaking kidding me,” Tony said, and raised his arms. “That is fucking awesome!”
Georgie shook her head. “I don’t get it.”
Etienne pushed past them, no small feat for a large bearded man in a dress covered in rubber birds. “I’m not done yet, hang on.”
He stopped in the middle of the living room with his hands behind his back. One hand came out and he shook out a blonde wig and plopped it onto his head. The other hand produced a headband with one final bird attached to it.
“I just … I can’t even express …” Tony placed both hands over his head. “I love you, man.”
“Why don’t I get this?” Georgie asked.
“Because you don’t watch scary movies,” Etienne said, hands on hips. “I’m Tippi Hedren in The Birds – we watched it last month. Or, Tony and I watched it. You went into the bedroom and put your earphones on because it freaked you out.”
“I’m assuming from the tears welling up in Tony’s eyes that this is a good representation.”
He stuck a hairy leg out. “I’m pretty sure she shaved, or at least wore pantyhose.”
“It’s a good look for you. How’s my make-up?” Tony pulled off his sunglasses. “Do I need more crazy in my eyes to be Georgie? Shit, wait, did you see the other side? Look at my ass. I couldn’t believe my luck when the check-in that made you Mayor of Cupcake Kingdom ended up on my ass.”
I could totally write a sequel about these three, but it would be a pointless series of escapades like this.
Just so we’re clear, “research” is actually a bag of erotica.
It’s quite possible the above image will drive me absolutely mental in the next 21 days. That’s how long I have to wait until I can start moving my stuff out of my current apartment into my new apartment. 21 days is a long frigging time to watch the kettle boil. Books are all packed. Computer is still out, but I can’t get a workspace that lets me think and so I just finally gave up and packed my notebooks and whatnot. I have no desire to really do anything except beat my scores in Angry Birds.
For the last few months I’ve been worrying whether I’m being oversensitive about not liking my apartment. For those who haven’t been following along, the TL:DR version is that I moved out of the suburbs into the city, which was awesome in the summer but revealed the stupidity of my move starting in the fall after some crap neighbours, bad plumbing, lazy landlord, and so on. Thus, I’m moving.
And thus, it was a struggle to get anything done while in the apartment that didn’t involve staring at the television. I had a brief reprieve in February when the gods smiled down on me and I was able to kick some ass at the computer, but other than that it was hours and hours of Netflix.
Just because it’s what I do, I started to wonder if maybe I was being oversensitive. Maybe I was just being picky. Maybe I have the winter blues.
Yah. No. The proof is in my inbox — one story I wrote before moving here was accepted, the one story I wrote in the February lull was accepted, while the two I wrote (and forced myself to sit down and write) were rejected. Not that they were terrible, but they were … not great, and reading them over it wasn’t surprising that they didn’t make the cut. They read more like the brain-vomit of someone who doesn’t really know what they’re doing versus good erotica.
Getting a rejection isn’t fun, but I feel better now about my decision to move instead of convincing myself that it’s all in my head. It also blows right out of the water that whole “no excuse” thing I was bitching about a few weeks ago. Sit your ass in the chair and forge ahead all you want, but sometimes the result is a pile of shit.
21 days and my life can get back to normal.
*twitch*
My second free read, The Hot Shot (originally published at Oysters & Chocolate in two parts) is now available for download at Smashwords!
Go forth, my lovies, and download to your heart’s content this Easter weekend.
(more big squishy jiggly gropes for Saranna for giving me a spanking!)
So this is my new favourite song for the rest of my life:
