But in keeping with my looking forward, I’ve gone beyond the monthly goals and created a list of mini goals for the rest of 2012. Initially I had planned to squash 100 in the summer months, but that’s not going to happen no matter how determined I am. 100 things is a lot of things!

I won’t list them all here, especially since I’m still about twelve items away from actually finishing my list, but for fun, here are five of those things on my to-do list:

Make Maritime Brown Bread - Love this stuff almost as much as I love banana bread. I’ve never made bread before, so I might as well go for my favourite kind of bread.

Read one book by Jane Austen – I read P&P and enjoyed it for the most part, but overall I had no desire to read anything more by Austen.  I prefer classics to be more dramatic, like Thomas Hardy, and I’d rather read something I know I’ll enjoy, but I’ll give it a shot.

Write a fan-fiction – There’s been a lot of talk in the last year about fanfic being turned into stand-alone works and I have to admit, I’m totally baffled unless we’re talking about fill-in-the-blanks books like Rhett Butler’s People,  continuations like one of the 1,567,987 Pride & Prejudice adaptations,  or re-imaginings like The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. I’ve written one fanfic before (based on The Iliad) so I can understand the motivation to want to make beloved characters fuck like monkeys, but overall I just don’t get working within someone else’s world when you can work in your own.  So, what the hell, I’ll give it a try as a short exercise, and try not to cheat by writing something book-nerdish.

Go to a play – I haven’t been to a play in years! Not since I was bored to death during a performance of Blood Relations, and this coming season one of my favourites is playing at Neptune Theatre.

Read a book in one sitting – Another thing I haven’t done in a very long time. I’m pretty sure that book is going to be Wicked Business.

Ok, so they’re not so much goals but just things I want to do, and there will be 95 more of them by the time I’m done. Some will take time, but others can be done in a pinch. If nothing else, it’ll be an interesting exercise for me.

This is how Friday makes me feel. Counting down to the long weekend.

1. She has an iPad. Granted, I talked her into it but still, she went out and bought it herself. This woman is terrified at the idea of using the remote control for her cable box, so going out for an iPad was a pretty big deal for her. I wrote her a note which read “iPad 16GB, Black, NO 3G” and she took it to the store, found a sales person and said “I want one of these.” For the last year she’d used it to look at the news and weather, watch her favourite movie  via the NFB app, read Coronation Street spoilers and free books, and play games. She refuses to join Facebook (can’t say I blame her) and while she has an email account, she only uses it when I go away and email her. Recently she graduated to letting me put movies and TV shows on there, and for Easter I bought Up from iTunes for her and she watches it once a week. She hasn’t quite gotten brave enough to hook the iPad up to the TV, though I bought her the cord, and I’m trying to talk her into the joys of using it to find knitting patterns. Whenever she gets frustrated with it and says she’ll never get the hang of using it, I remind her that not everyone her age (she’s almost 80) knows how to use a computer, and every day I talk to people who are MY AGE who don’t know how to use a computer, so the fact that she has one and learned how to use it is something to be proud of.

2. She’s the bird lady. Not like the bird lady in Mary Poppins who sits on the steps and is covered in pigeons. She has her own horde in the yard. It all started when I put a seed bell up one year. The woodpeckers came and Granny was fascinated, so she bought a few more and put them all over the yard. Then she bought a bag of seeds and threw the seeds under the bell for the birds who didn’t get a shot at the bell. Now there are mourning doves, grackels, finches, chickadees, bluejays, woodpeckers, squirrels, chipmunks, and I swear to god DUCKS. Now not only are they on the side of the house where I put the seed bell up, but there’s a small army of birds living in the shrubs in front of her house. The shrubs are overgrown and hideous, but she refuses to cut them too much BECAUSE THE BIRDS LIVE THERE. So she’s basically Master of the Birds. It’s a good thing she is a nice lady, otherwise I’m sure if she told them to unleash hell on mankind they’d do it because she brings the food.

3. She learned to drive in her 60s. After my grandfather died, Granny was left with no way to get to the grocery store except for the bus, which just sucks ass. She lives out in the boonies. My mother doesn’t know how to drive, and I was only 15 at the time so I couldn’t take her, so since she had the car she learned how to drive it. She called up one of those driving schools and got some old guy who used to be an RCMP officer to take her out. She backed the car into the side of the house and cried, swore she’d never get back in the car again. She failed her driving test twice (this was back when the test was more than just a 4-block drive), and once she got her license she totaled the car. But she’s still driving 20 years later.

True, she can’t cook, she always interprets the news wrong,  and her vision of home repair usually involves contact paper, but overall she know’s what’s up, and that’s why she’s interesting.

WE ARE HERE TO DO YOUR BIDDING, MASTER.

It’s amazing how every day life sits on your spine and you don’t realize it. Even the long drive itself would have been enough — three hours to the bridge and just turn around.

Of course I didn’t. I had some shopping to do. Doublemint soap from Great Canadian Soap, some raspberry vinegar from PEI Preserve Company so I can try out a few of the recipes from their blog (instead of being brave and making my own raspberry vinegar, that is), and my absolute MUST stop at Village Pottery in New London (visit their Etsy shop), where I picked up a few nice things for the kitchen.

I was also on a photographic mission, so there was lots of walking and driving involved: a stroll to Green Gables at sunset where I was joined by foxes, a quail, Canada Geese, skunk, and a bunny (I honestly wouldn’t have been surprised if Bigfoot walked out …)

I was on the fence about going over this year but in addition to needing a break I had some unfinished business to take care of. The sad part is that this is probably going to be my last trip over there for the next few years — it’s staycation for the next couple of years at least and I’ve got a lot of exploring to do close to home.

The one thing about going away is that I learn something about myself each time. I get in my car with big ideas about reading a book a day or writing a lot, when at the end of the day I’m out of it. I like being on the move too much, always something on the go. I aspire to sit and do nothing but I just can’t do it.  Even when I’m “relaxing” I’m doing something or my brain conjures up something I think I should be doing.

That’s something I’ve got to work at. Goal for June?

Since then, the money has become a little more of a priority. We’re not talking main source of income here, but I do use what I make to supplement the income from my day job. The majority of what I publish in anthologies now is flat-fee via the editor. I write a story, the editor gives me my cut and sends me a copy or two of the book, and we go on our merry ways.

A few years ago I signed a contract with Xcite for an anthology, Cocktales: Screaming Orgasm. When the editor came back and told me they weren’t going to print but instead releasing the anthology as an ebook, I was reluctant. This change meant I wouldn’t be getting my flat-fee, but instead splitting a portion of sales with the other contributors. I’d been down this road before — I’d signed a contract with a publisher for an anthology with a similar promise. The anthology was panned by readers and I made lesson the story than I spend on coffee in a week.

But I figured, what the hell, Xcite had a good rep and I liked what they were publishing, so I took the gamble.

For a while, it went as expected. The anthology didn’t make a whole lot of money to start … and then it did. When it did, I submitted a second short story to them. Same deal. Same results. It was like putting money into a slot machine that just kept paying out. Some months, the income from these stories with Xcite pays more than royalties from my novel and novellas.

For all the shine of publishing that attracts newbie writers, there’s reality. Disappointment. Trial and error. Success. Doing better with your next effort than you did with the one that came before it. I read it all the time from folks who have been around a hell of a lot longer than I have, and they’re spot on. Sometimes you win and sometimes you lose. I once knew an erotic romance writer who was so desperate for that shine — idolizing those on the bestsellers lists, attending workshops and conferences, schmoozing with agents and editors, pretty much anything but writing and selling — that she burst into tears over lunch just talking about her writing endeavors. She refused to take a gamble unless it had a huge payout and she wasn’t even a little interested in taking the small chances, thus denying herself the little successes (not to mention the money that built up from all those little successes.)

For my part, I can only say this: fuck the shine, fuck the ideal, and look at publishing your work as an investment. There’s a certain magic in holding a physical copy of a book I’ve contributed to, but on the flip side there’s a magic to not having to think too hard about my budget.

Stolen from Megan Crane, who stole from Michelle Rowan, who probably stole it from someone else but isn’t confessing to it (j/k)

What’s the last thing you wrote?

I was writing a threesome thing with an anthology in mind. The story kind of came out of nowhere and made my enthusiasm for submitting go from “meh” to “hell yeah”

Was it any good?

I haven’t gotten to the sexy parts yet, but the characters are really working well off of one another. Nothing worse than dud characters.

What’s the first thing you ever wrote that you still have?

Kind of like Manny & Bernard's drunken attempt from BLACK BOOKS

I swear to God, it’s a book I wrote when I was in the 4th grade about an elephant. The teacher had our books laminated and bound for that assignment and I still have mine.

Write poetry?

Nope.

Angsty poetry?

Nope.

Favourite genre of writing?

I write mostly erotica, delving into erotic romance about 50% of the time. Love writing smut, also love writing anything comedic. My devotion to goofy heroes & heroines endures.

Most fun character you ever wrote?

Going Down from Cleis Press

I have to go with Marianne from “Snow Job” (Going Down) — any bitch with a case of winter rage that bad that she makes the plough driver go into a ditch is all right with me.

Most annoying character you ever wrote?

In early days I was working on a novel with a heroine who was TSTL. She wasn’t a Mary Sue – she was just unlikable. I was so disgusted with her and her stupidity I dropped some karma on her ass and had her man dump her. Ultimately I threw the story in the scrap heap, so she may see the light of day in a different, less annoying incarnation for a short story.

How often do you get writer’s block?

Depends on what’s going on in my life. My last block lasted about a year and there was really nothing to be done about it. I’ve heard of the ass-in-the-chair method but it’s never worked for me.

How do you fix it?

Like I said, not much to be done about it. I usually just write in those rare times the mood suits me, so in the end I have tons of half finished stuff I finish when I get my groove back.

Write fan fiction?

Nope. I prefer to glower and bitch how I wish I had come up with that idea/character.

Do you type or write by hand?

Both.  I usually get revved up by writing by hand or on my phone/Blackberry, then get into the thick of things on my laptop.

Do you save everything you write?

I used to. I used to have a bunch of those plastic file bins filled with scraps. Digitally speaking, I had a flash drive full of stuff. Once I started purging the living hell out of my life I threw out all but a handful of writing and deleted a lot of stuff that I never went back to. Of course I experience severe panic in the days afterward but it was the right thing to do. I could never finish half the shit I started and didn’t really want to, so I just saved the salvageable bits.

Do you ever go back to an old idea long after you abandoned it?

Oh hell yeah. “Name Your Price“ (Nice Girls, Naughty Sex) and “Safe for Work“ (Irresistible) are from the same original manuscript that never went anywhere, and I managed to pick another short story from the same which is right now up for consideration.

What’s your favourite thing that you’ve written?

“Snow Job.” I just love that story.

What’s everyone else’s favourite thing that you’ve written?

The consensus seems to be that Out of the Blue is everyone’s favourite. What’s interesting about that is the readers who are reviewing on the book have the exact same experience I did with Georgie — took me a few chapters to warm up to her myself.

What’s your favourite setting for your characters?

The joke among friends is that I write a lot of kitchen sex :p Which I do. I like real settings, places I’ve been or that I go to all the time.

What’s one genre you have never written, and probably never will?

My elephant book aside, children and YA lit are genres I have no interest in writing.

How many writing projects are you working on right now?

Many, many short stories, and looking forward to a few longer works in the last half of 2012. I’m pretty much plan to go with the flow and work on what works at the time.

Do you want to write for a living?

Oh God, no. Not that I love my day job, but I love the financial benefits of my day job. Writing as an aside in the evenings and on weekends suits me just fine.

Have you ever written something for a magazine or newspaper?

Nope. It might be something I consider down the road but at the moment it’s not something that appeals to me.

Have you ever won an award for your writing?

I think I won something in 8th Grade, but I honestly can’t remember.

Ever written something in script or play format?

Nope. I thought about doing something for a local contest but couldn’t come up with something I could see on stage.

What are your five favourite words?

Nutella, bubbly, red, velvet, free.

What character that you’ve written most resembles yourself?

Physically, none, but I have to admit I’m equal parts Anthony and Georgie. I have Anthony’s stubbornness and need to have things his way, and Georgie’s determination to see things through for better or worse.

Where do you get ideas for your other characters?

I usually come up with a scenario and think, “Who would it be most entertaining to see this happen to?” With the exception of a few secondary characters in Out of the Blue, the character is fleshed out by what happens to him/her (even if it is just a good screw on a picnic table.)

Do you ever write based on your dreams?

If I did I would be writing in a completely different genre. One that involves zombies and manatees with cameos by the cast of Torchwood.

Garrrrrrrrr urrrrrrg zooooombie manateeeeeeeeee

Do you favour happy endings, sad endings, or cliff-hangers?

The thing I like about erotica is that everyone can walk away from one another as long as there is some kind of resolution. When dipping my toe into erotic romance, happy ending all the way (though it was a close call with Out of the Blue – even I wasn’t sure about that one.)

Are you concerned with spelling and grammar as you write?

I try, and with a word processing program it’s hard to ignore spelling mistakes. I usually leave the grammar brain farts to the end though and just write.

Does music help you write?

Not in particular. Usually when I write I have the TV in the background. The Company of Fools was written to all six season of Oz. It’s not so much the show but the monotony of conversation going on in the background.

Quote something you’ve written. The first thing to pop into your mind.

“She called them her victory tits” – from Champagne & Cheesecake (Curvy Girls)

As small as this city might be, it’s still a huge change. I largely avoid going downtown or even onto the peninsula that makes up Halifax. The main reason for this is because I just can’t be bothered going onto the peninsula when I can get what I want in another part of town.

My brain still can’t wrap around the fact that I’ll be in walking distance to everything – Public parks and gardens, shops and amenities, and going downtown for a night out will no longer involve a massive cab fare. My poor car will be disgusted with me when it sees me trotting off without it. How dare you, you whore. I’ve been with you for so long and now you’re abandoning me?

I’ve been eager to move out of the suburbs for some time now — pretty much the day I discovered my old hiking trail had been fenced up with an angry NO TRESPASSERS sign warning hikers, walkers, and fishermen looking to use the public wharf away. The second I clapped eyes on that sign, I knew it was over. The only thing making it worth living outside of the city was being able to just walk out the front door and enter the wilderness.

There will be a few things I’ll miss. The birds, for one. I turned into a bit of a bird geek after I threw a feeder in a tree outside (before it was devoured by deer). Woodpeckers (even one of those creepy ground-pecking ones), fat chickadees, bratty finches, and talkative starlings. Not to mention nervous mourning doves who like to walk up to the back door and have a peek at what’s inside. And then there are the ducks who have decided to live under some nearby bushes instead of the pond. Once they figured out that people came out the front door they decided to just stroll on up and announce their desire for noms.

And I’ll miss being close to a quiet beach, something I already miss now that my hiking trail is gone. It was always so nice throwing on some sweats and just strolling right down to the water’s edge. Little slices of heaven and fresh, salty air you can only glimpse at now because of development — those beaches are someone’s back yard now.

But in exchange for leaving these little things behind I’ll be gaining quick access to the quackery at the Public Gardens and other local parks. My old trails will be replaced with Citadel Hill (which I did not know was actually called Fort George until I googled just now!) and I won’t have to worry about parking if I want to go to the market on the waterfront. In other words, I’ll be a complete tourist in my own city for a while.

I haven’t read any of the “50 Shades” books and have barely been paying attention to the hype, save for laughing at Amy’s dislike and occasionally taunting her with it. Kind of annoying to have all my e-tailers recommending this to me, but whatever. I haven’t read the books because they just don’t seem like my thing for a few reasons, but I can get behind any author who manages to score a deal as sweet as this one has. I have noticed a few readers on blogs and whatnot asking for similar books, and there’s no shortage out there.

Just don’t go to my local Big Box, unless you want to follow up “50 Shades” with some Robertson Davies (ooooh sexy.)

I rarely buy print now, and when I do it’s usually through Better World Books. What sent me into Big Box this time was a hunt for a recipe book stand. I have a new routine when I go into Big Box — browse bargain cookbook section, browse local interest, browse the Kobo section for accessories, check out the naughty corner to see if they carry the anthologies I’ve been a part of, and then I leave.

Recently the naughty corner has been banished. I’m pretty sure it hasn’t been moved, since I scoured every section of the Big Box in search of it. The adult titles used to be shelved between Manga and Horror. Now, poof, gone. I’ve noticed that a lot of the titles previously shelved in the naughty corner have migrated to romance.

I’m not surprised or even outraged that the naughty corner has disappeared. Most people buy their smut in digital format. And it’s about time the more romance-centric books were moved to romance – taking up one whole side of the Big Box, romance can play nice and let the naughtier cousins hang out. It’s not like my Big Box is the only one — Leah Braemel describes a similar shift in her local Big Box. And frankly, there are more atmospheric places to buy smut than a place that vaguely stinks of Starbucks and has a  noisy play area in the opposite corner. Who wants to stand there sampling a book about double penetration while someone’s five year old has a meltdown a few feet away?

Sadly, though, a lot of the titles I recall being in the naughty corner didn’t even make the cut into romance. Meh. Annoying, but like I said, so long as they sell like hotcakes as ebooks I doubt the authors in question will experience any great loss in being banished from between Horror and Manga.

What got my arse up was the location of “50 Shades.” I wasn’t even looking for it. I was perusing for Nick Hornby, but when I glanced to my right, there it was in general fiction & literature. So I scuttled back and forth, looking for some of my favourite erotica/erotic romance authors in general fiction & literature. Surely if “50 Shades” is considered GF&Lit, then I can pick out more smut elsewhere, right?

Nope. Not in general fiction. Not in romance. Nowhere.

Hrmm.

So, if “50 Shades” is erotic romance, shouldn’t it be in the romance section? That way when someone reads “50 Shades” and goes looking for something similar, they know where to look. They can go back and pick up more kink than you can shake a stick at by going right to where they found “50 Shades” and averting their gaze right or left: “Hmmm, Megan Hart. Sounds hot. I’ll try this next.”

And for a more bitchier point, if “50 Shades” gets let out of the romance box, why not Lora Leigh? Why not Maya Banks? Hell, why not Anne Rice’s Beauty series? Why do none of the erotic adaptations of Pride & Prejudice get shelved in the same category as the original work? And frankly since “50 Shades” is based on Twilight, why hasn’t that book been liberated from the YA section at my Big Box? (YA seems to suffer a similar fate as the romance category – “like Pretty Little Liars? Want more? Too bad, read some Vampire Diaries and be off with you.”)

This isn’t a slam on “50 Shades” or it’s author by any means. It’s a slam on my local Big Box for inconsistency when it comes to categorization of romance. If a category takes up the entire side of a store, take some time to sort like with like to make it easier for readers. If I go to the cooking section looking specifically for vegetarian dishes, it’s categorized under vegetarian. If I want another vegetarian cookbook, back to vegetarian I go. If I want some steampunk romance, I don’t even have a sci-fi/fantasy romance section to refer to.

Come on, Big Box. It’s not like I have a worker bee following me around going, “If you like THIS TITLE, you’ll love THIS TITLE,” to give me the Amazon experience.  Your biggest section is a pain in the ass to navigate. Historical romance, sci-fi/fantasy romance, romantic comedy, and so on (and get thee a gay/lesbian romance category, please) – make it easy.

Then put “50 Shades” where it belongs so its readers can enjoy more smut without having to consult the Internet gurus. Because, you know, we can buy our books on the Internet while we’re there, didn’t ya hear?